Don’t break anybody’s heart; they only have one. Break their bones; they have 206. – Joke Factory
Many years ago, I was involved in a relationship that seemed fine to those on the outside but inside I was slowly dying. In fact, when I decided to get out, there were persons who chastised me for my decision. The trouble is: many people on the outside are not aware of what is happening on the inside of your relationship; and more importantly what is happening on your insides. Today, I’ll share three more signs to show that you may be heading for heartbreak or relational disaster. They all relate to what’s happening on the inside. If you missed Part 1 and Part II click the links to read those two articles.
Sign #5: Prolonged Absence of Peace along with Self-Doubt
This 5th sign is not just important to avoid heartbreak but is an important sign to watch for in every area of your life. If you lack peace of mind, you will end up restless, filled with anxiety and stress. Is this relationship robbing you of your peace of mind over and over again? Is your partner’s behaviour causing you to second guess yourself constantly? Are there issues that won’t go away no matter how much you rationalize them? Does your partner make you think your ideas, opinions and thoughts are crazy? Are you or your partner over-reactive? Does your partner say you are the problem in the relationship?
Friends, I have been there and these things rob you of your peace and create anxiety and in the end often lead to heartbreak. This is a major red flag. What are the pros and cons of this relationship? Do the cons outweigh the pros? For me, it does not matter if the external pros are higher, if I have no peace, I’m walking. If there are signs that my self-esteem is being destroyed, I’m walking.
Sign #6: Hoping for Change
I remember being in one relationship praying for God to make the crooked paths straight and praying for the person to change. Well, the person did not change and I ended up with a broken heart and he married someone else. The only person we can change is ourselves. If you are in a relationship and trying to change the other person, then it’s a sign that you are headed for heartbreak. You can’t change people. Either you are going to leave or that person will leave you. If you cannot accept the person the way they are, you may be headed for heartbreak.
Sign #7: Invalidation of Beliefs or Different Values/Belief Systems
How can two walk unless they agree? This does not mean that you and your partner must not have any differences but if your worldviews are radically different, that’s a recipe for relational disaster. What does your partner believe about money and spending? Is s/he willing to compromise? What about issues that really matter to you? Does your partner help you to live out your beliefs or does your partner ridicule you or try to tear you down? If you have a belief, value or standard that really matters to you and your partner ridicules it or breaks it, then heartbreak is not going to be far away. I’ve learnt this the hard way. Whoever is not trying to help you be your best self is not good for you. If the person constantly invalidates your thoughts, opinions, standards and beliefs, you are heading for relationship disaster the longer you stay.
Share the Articles
Well friends, that’s all the sharing for today. Can you relate to these signposts or any of my experiences? If so share this with a friend or a young person to help them make better relational decisions. Feel free to also comment and stay tuned for Part 4/5 where I will share three more signs to avoid a relational disaster and heartbreak.
