“God makes all things beautiful in his time”- Ecclesiastes 3:12
Have you ever had a broken heart? If so, how do you recover and become whole again?
My new book, Unshackled Queen provides 21 secrets to recover from a broken heart and how to deal with suffering. The book is now available on Amazon Kindle. Click here to get your Kindle version and leave a review.
Seven of the 21 secrets are shared below. These secrets are based on the writing of the apostle Peter in the Bible and his counsel to suffering Christians in the early church. Peter’s counsel is timeless and provides the map we need to deal with heartbreak and suffering in every era.
- It’s Inevitable
In dealing with heartbreak and suffering, it is of utmost importance that we have an appropriate assessment of it. Heartbreak and suffering are commonplace experiences of human life from which no human is exempt. If we understand this, we should prepare for it instead of viewing it as a surprise or fussing about it.
Many of us are bewildered by suffering instead of expecting it and seeking ways to cope. Wishing it were otherwise is not helpful and refusing to accept it as part of the normal experience is counter-productive.
Peter told his suffering followers in 1 Peter 4: 12, “My friends, do not be surprised at the terrible trouble which now comes to test you. Do not think something strange is happening to you.”
- Acknowledge the Loss and Give Yourself Time to Grieve
This is an important step in the process of healing. Don’t be too quick to move on. This is a recipe for disaster. Rebound relationships are often disastrous. You need time to detox and examine your emotions and deal with the hurt and pain. Don’t pretend as if you are fine and not hurting. Acknowledge it. This is the first stage of healing.
Allow yourself to grieve the loss of security and expectations; the loss of hopes and dreams and whatever else the suffering causes. Afterward, begin to take steps to move forward.
Take your time. We all don’t recover at the same pace. Remember emotional wounds are not healed instantly. There are often multi-layers of pain, and just when you think you have dealt with them all, suddenly something comes up again; something triggers the pain.
In this grieving process, talk to someone you trust and get counselling if necessary. It might not be professional but seek wise counsel from someone competent in the area of loss or suffering. Gaining valuable insights is key to healing.
- This Too Will Pass
Heartbreak is not surprising and neither will it last forever. “This too will pass” is a good standing phrase that captures the temporal nature of suffering. It encourages and strengthens many sufferers.
In as much that the rain does not fall every day and in as much as the sun rises and sets, suffering is not interminable. Yvette’s YouTube mentor, Les Brown, says it this way, “Whatever you are going through, it has not come to stay, it has come to pass.” This problem will not bother you forever. Even humans die.
- Find Positive Meaning and Purpose
The reason for suffering matters and the meaning we attribute to suffering matters. In 1 Peter 3:13-18, he tells his followers not to think they are cursed because they suffer. They may even suffer for doing right and they are blessed if they suffer for doing right.
He tells them that no one can really hurt them if they suffer for doing right. Yes, physically and emotionally they will be hurt but ultimately as followers of the King who love him, the King will work in all things for the good of them that love him and are called according to his purpose (Romans 8:28).
The King will make it pay dividends as Napoleon Hill says: “There is no such thing as an unprofitable experience. Make every circumstance good or bad, pay dividends. Life is a continuous process of education. Learn from all experiences good or bad. Be on the alert for gains of wisdom.”
Heartbreak has not ultimately come to kill you but to produce faith or test faithfulness.
In 1 Peter 1:6, he explains: “These troubles have come to prove that your faith is pure.” He told them in 1 Peter 1:9 that as they stand in suffering they are receiving the goal of their faith, “the salvation of their souls.”
Depending on the perspective of the sufferer and the meaning attributed to suffering, the heartbreak can lead to the discovery of one’s life purpose. That which breaks our hearts is a clue to our purpose. Pain is the flip side of purpose.
God comforts us in all our suffering so that we can comfort others with the comfort we have received (2 Corinthian 1:4). It means we are called to help people who suffer similarly to us with the solutions we found to overcome our pain. That’s one way of determining your purpose in life.
- Control Your Attitude and Response
Closely aligned with meaning and purpose are attitude and response. John Maxwell in his book, The Winning Attitude coined the catchphrase, “Attitude determines altitude.”
While we have no control over the majority of the things that will result in our suffering, we have control over our attitude/ response.
Jim Rohn in his inimitable style asserts, “It’s not what happens that determines your life’s future. It is what you do with what happens. All of us are in a little sailboat. It is not the blowing of the wind that determines your destination. It is the set of the sail.”
- Be Joyful
It is natural for us when enduring pain and despair to be unhappy. To ask a sufferer to rejoice seems to be an unreasonable demand.
However, if the suffering followers of the King really believed that the King would cause some good to come from their suffering, and focused on the outcome of their suffering, realizing that in suffering they were identifying with the King, indeed their suffering could be counted as joy.
If we remember that God makes all things beautiful in his time (Eccl. 3: 12); that those who suffer for the King will share His glory when He returns, certainly there will be cause to rejoice.
If we think of suffering as producing character and patience as part of our training in holiness and maturity, then we can rejoice in it. Peter addressed this in 1 Peter 5:10. Indeed, we too can have a joyful attitude in suffering if we see some positive outcome as a result of our suffering.
Again, Napoleon Hill reminds us that there is “a seed of equivalent benefit in every experience.” If we can find it, certainly we will have joy and cause to rejoice.
- Thanksgiving and Counting Your Blessings
There is another cliché often used in times of suffering that can lead to joy: “count your blessing.” If we begin to count our blessings even in heartbreak, we become thankful and our attitude often changes in suffering.
It is Nick Vuijic, a man born without arms and legs that said, “I’ve never seen a thankful person who is bitter or a bitter person who is thankful.”
Download the book to get the other 14 keys and share them with your family and friends.
Cheers to the winning you!